I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize