This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
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i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
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Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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