Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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