i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whose ass print is on the piano?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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