You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
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I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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