We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
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I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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