Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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