Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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