just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
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I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
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He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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