I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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