Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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