I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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