glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize