I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
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This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
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Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There are leaves in my underwear?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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