I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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