Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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