i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
two words...techno handjob
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
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She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
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By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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