Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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