Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize