He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
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I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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