My brain says no but my pants say off.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
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HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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