So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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