Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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