I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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