farters have to be the big spoon...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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