Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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