i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize