I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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