Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so let's talk penis.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
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She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
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But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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