dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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