Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
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I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
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Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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