I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
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I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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