I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We talked him into tasing himself.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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