take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize