You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
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Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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