Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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