How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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