Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
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im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
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His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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