Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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