That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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