i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
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...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
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Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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