um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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