nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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