She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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