Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think a kid would responsible me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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