I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
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I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
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Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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