Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.

(612): View more from Minnesota

May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.

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(518): I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day. (612): May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees. http://tfl.nu/b9l3

Replies (10) Good night (601) Bad night (1846)
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(773): View more from Illinois

it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"

(708): View more from Illinois

I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.

(773): View more from Illinois

don't worry... so do I

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(773): it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man" (708) I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights. (773) don't worry... so do I http://tfl.nu/9jx5

Replies (24) Good night (517) Bad night (3889)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.

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(651): I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen. http://tfl.nu/ni4j

Replies (23) Good night (5834) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
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(706): View more from Georgia

lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.

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(706): lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand. http://tfl.nu/av0q

Replies (58) Good night (6243) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?

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(215): Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence? http://tfl.nu/hkha

Replies (23) Good night (1635) Bad night (5015) Order T-Shirt
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(970): View more from Colorado

totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.

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(970): totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off. http://tfl.nu/qavz

Replies (34) Good night (6647) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
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(208): View more from Idaho

I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies

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(208): I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies http://tfl.nu/u66b

Replies (25) Good night (7877) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
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(513): View more from Ohio

Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.

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(513): Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon. http://tfl.nu/dsce

Replies (9) Good night (1006) Bad night (2141) Order T-Shirt
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

did mom hear me barking???

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

sooo high. sooo many dog friends

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(215): did mom hear me barking??? (267): oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one (215): sooo high. sooo many dog friends http://tfl.nu/gyg5

Replies (6) Good night (3471) Bad night (577)
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(631): View more from New York

i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill

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(631): i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill http://tfl.nu/bzs5

Replies (9) Good night (2958) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
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(317): View more from Indiana

We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo

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(317): We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo http://tfl.nu/qbn3

Replies (14) Good night (727) Bad night (1670) Order T-Shirt
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(225): View more from Louisiana

I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.

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(225): I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left. http://tfl.nu/d68g

Replies (24) Good night (3381) Bad night (1309) Order T-Shirt
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(212): View more from New York

He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket

(617): View more from Massachusetts

I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you

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(212): He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket (617): I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you http://tfl.nu/qdni

Replies (3) Good night (1517) Bad night (472)
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(519): View more from Ontario

And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.

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(519): And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication. http://tfl.nu/rgq1

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(816): View more from Missouri

TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.

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(816): TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN. http://tfl.nu/24ey

Replies (4) Good night (435) Bad night (417) Order T-Shirt

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