I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
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I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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