You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize