yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
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This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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