A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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